


Dec 8

by dizzy



Series: Crisscolfer Advent 2015 [8]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5386493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>darren and chris try to bathe brian for the first time. lots of wet clothes and "hold him!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dec 8

"What was the emergency, jeez, you were blowing my phone up-" Darren breaks off speaking and almost gags as soon as he walks into the room. "What the fuck is that-" 

Chris has Brian wrapped in a towel, the one they never really use because it has a weird green stain on it. "Brian." 

"What did he roll in?" Darren covers his mouth and nose with a hand. 

"Him." Chris points at Cooper, who looks freshly bathed and still damp. His tail is wagging, because Cooper is a good dog who loves bath time. 

Brian, on the other hand, is a feline hellspawn who makes sure everyone within a three hundred foot radius understands how much he despises water. 

"Cooper rolled in something dead at the dog park and before I could get him into the bath Brian was all over him," Chris explains. "So now guess who needs a bath?" 

Darren takes a couple of steps backwards. "Um, I totally just remembered, I left my wallet-" 

"You don't need it." Chris cuts him off with a firm tone. "What you do need to do is help me." 

It shouldn't be so terrifying. Brian doesn't even have claws, how much damage can he do? 

A lot, actually. Darren can still feel the phantom throb in his knee from the one time he tried before. Brian might be fat but he can still move, and is more than capable of leaving a soap trail behind him that makes the whole situation look like a scene out of a Home Alone movie, fully grown men skidding in his wake. 

"I"ll start the water," Darren says. "And lay everything out for you." 

"And then _help me_ ," Chris repeats. "As in, hold him still. In the bath." 

"Now is when I wish I didn't take the allergy medicine," Darren says. 

"You'd rather literally die?" 

"No, I'd just rather not be able to breathe right now." Darren tries to crane his head away. 

Darren groans. "There's no way out of this?" 

"You wish. Now go start the water," Chris orders. 

* 

Brian starts going haywire as soon as he hears the rushing water. The showerhead even on its gentlest setting is apparently the most torturous thing in the world and he makes sure Chris and Darren both know it. 

It's almost a shame that they don't have a third person there to actually record the antics, because ten minutes in and all they've accomplished is Brian actually in the tub with Darren hovering over him on his hands and knees keeping him in place while Chris sprays both of them down with water. 

The shampoo application turns into a game of twister with Darren almost concussing himself on the edge of the tub and Chris having to reach between Darren and the cat to actually get some shampoo on him. 

"You might as well go ahead and soap me up too," Darren complains. "I think I smell more like dead animal than he did now." 

"You're soaping yourself up when we're done," Chris says. "Scalding water. Lots of soap. Or you're sleeping on the couch." 

"I like how I get punished for your cat smelling gross." 

"Life isn't far." Chris grunts and grabs at Brian when he manages to lunge forward out of Darren's hands. 

They just barely get him steadied again. Chris picks up the pace with rinsing him, while Darren repositions himself to sitting with Brian between his knees steadily hissing. His fur is raised and if he had claws Darren's legs would be shredded right now. 

"Please say we don't have to dry him," Darren says, once Chris is moderately sure he has all the shampoo off of Brian. "The hair dryer experience was even worse than the bath last time." 

"I'll towel him off," Chris says. "And then we can just... turn the heat on and hope he air dries." 

"Thank god." Darren groans. "So I can let him go now?" 

Almost as if he can hear them, Brian tries to jolt forward again. This time he manages to get out of Darren's hands and clears the surface of the tub, landing on the tiled floor and skidding into the door. 

"... yeah," Chris says. "Why not." 

Chris grabs the towel and approaches an extremely untrusting Brian. He manages to get thirty seconds of brisk rubbing in before Brian is having none of it, sinking his teeth into Chris's hand. 

"You little shit!" Chris shakes his hand to try and ease the sting. 

"Knew we wouldn't come away from this without a little bloodshed," Darren says. He grabs the first aid kid. 

"At least he smells good now." Chris opens the door and Brian is out like a shot. 

"You can put that on our tombstones," Darren says. "Because that cat is definitely killing us in our sleep tonight. I don't know how, but he will." 

"Don't give him ideas." Chris dabs at the pinpricks of blood on his hand. 

"Aw, baby." Darren leans over him to fuss over the wound, but Chris uses one fingertip to jab at his shoulder under he backs up. "Oh - I smell?" 

"Awful," Chris confirms. "And I've already met my quota of bathing badly behaved boys today, so you get clean, and I'll get dinner." 

"Fine, fine." Darren acts like he's going to turn and then darts back in quickly, stealing a kiss and then laughing maniacally as Chris runs away.


End file.
